Back when I was teaching dance in our old city in Kunming I came across neglected kids. These kids came from loving families that love God, but somewhere in the midst of serving overseas their parents saw them and treated them as secondary to the ministry of the locals. These kids were angry and starved for attention. They were sick of being third culture kids, and they wanted to go back to their home country. I remember that I was angry at their parents for their messed up priorities, and I said that I would NEVER EVER do that to my own kids. Fast forward six or seven years. I am now a mom to three precious children. These children take just about every minute I have... (obviously not ALL my spare minutes because I am obviously sitting here blogging :). Between homeschooling Bailey, breast feeding an infant, and loving on my three year old in between, there isn't much time for ministry outside my home. And yet, I am one of the leaders in a very exciting, very needed, very growing ministry to women in the sex slave trade in our current city. There are countless outreaches that need to be headed up, people to meet with, planning meetings, events, conferences, visits, trainings.... need I go on?? In other words. I could give it ALL my time. And sometimes I want to. Sometimes, when I have a sullen five year old, an emotional three year old, and an over tired infant, I find myself wishing that I was out on the streets sharing God's love with the prostitutes. I am starting to understand how those parents may have felt. But hold up. God's gentle but firm spirit reminds me of those days in KM when I saw the results of the parents who had neglected to minister to their children and instead chose to minister to the lost outside of their home. My loving heavenly Father reminds me of the three precious lost souls that he has placed in my care for a season, and that I am called to lovingly be an example of Christ to them. God may have chosen specific women in the red light district for me to talk to, but he for sure gave me three souls to teach first.
So, once again, I tuck my tail between my legs and slink away in shame. I am a hypocrite. But God loves me. He loves my kids. He loves those women out on the streets. And I am to keep loving Him, my kids, and those women the best I can. If I can only go on outreach once a week for now, then so be it. God doesn't need me anyway. He just wants me to be faithful where he has put me, right now, in this season, for such a time as this.
